Ok, I am trying something different- actually I am holding on
to what still feels good to me regardless of a the day, week, year, person or
persons and place- gardening. I am thinking about it, looking at it, digging,
cutting, planting, talking about it and being thankful for my relationship with
friends, family and this green heart of mine.
I lost my focus, had
my attention redirected, my mind cluttered and my energy poured out in more
ways than I can’t count. But funny
thing, it’s all had some good come from it, especially from friends, family and
the kids. Even my recent pity party
revealed a friendship I didn’t know I had and a reminder that Vitamin F
(Friends) can keep you on a blessed path.
For me there is a deeper component to Vitamin F, it is the
complex that binds F to your heart, body and soul, the essence of Vitamin F,
Vitamin R: relationships. It is the
connector that allows F to be stored in times of stress. It strengthens the affect of F and most
importantly it ties into heart health and it is what I am most thankful for
every day! (It may even explain my new fondness for my smart phone where
I can visit with friend or family, even when they are busy or asleep. It lets me reach out and touch, remember,
renew and begin relationships. )
Does it sound strange to say I am thankful for daisiedic was on the Wednesday before he died. When I got his mail he was feeling conversational. Sometimes he would pick a topic he knew would get a reaction from me. He knew me well and although it might have sounded like an
argument, I was not arguing with him.
He was complaining how “everyone” preferred the complicated, the novelty
and extremism of non-daisy flowers.
I had felt
uncomfortably lumped into a category of collector enthusiasts. It certainly sounded insulting but it had an
edge of truth. I had been feeling
disconnected and maybe had withdrawn from horticulture with a sour grape
comfort in thinking that I was not missing much because nothing was new or
different any more. A lot of
“sameosameo”.
The few times I had slipped away to get my hands dirty my
mind was preoccupied I know but it felt like the plant shelves were just a blur
of “what did they do, just renamed that” and “oh they are marketing that floppy
failure as trailing form now?”
I know now I was not being fair. I was doing what I dislike the most
“lumping”. I was lumping feelings,
lumping thoughts, people and past memories.
And now my dad was “lumping” me!
I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t argue
(after all he was a sick man) Instead I listened, for some reason I cried and
the next day I went looking for daisies for him. I did not know he was probably watching me
right then from above and smiling. He won
as usual! (By the way, it was never a fair fight, he was smarter and a faster thinker and I was always trying to be polite)
That Thursday morning I reassessed my own garden- counting
my “daisy type flowers” hum, I did have a good number, especially considering
my condensed amount of space. I also
noted I had regularly made a mental note of my pleasure in a strong performing
coreopsis by my patio and recalled a few I had planted in other gardens I had a
hand in designing. Hah, see I didn’t
think anything was wrong with daisies, and with something short of satisfaction
at the crack of dawn I headed out to purchase daisies for my dad!
Last week, on my mom’s birthday I planted one of my
purchases from that Thursday, the day my dad died. She is in the little landscape bed on the
corner of my dad’s villa. Her name is Coreopsis 'Full Moon'. I had been
caring ( well only caring a little) for
a small collection of nursery stock that had found their way to my back porch that
very long day. There is a pale purple cone flower (mo native which reminds me of my heaven-like day at Hamilton Seed) and old fashioned variety of actual daisy (one that Raintree Nursery use to carry and that Gloria Fridley, liked a lot and her, a new and so called improved variety of the lance leaf coreopsis with big soft creamy blossoms. The plant-friends have been waiting patiently for me to get to that place where I
could accept the task of cultivating some new relationships.
I placed her for a moment in her new space, evaluated the
spacing and admired her soft but full willowy build and fair creamy complexion. She looked good next to her neighbors and
I liked her simple style-I DO like daisies!
I re-shoveled the edge, shuffled the mulch and soil around the anchor
plants, snipped off her current blooms and settled her in her new space. As I watered the bed with both hose and tears
I felt peaceful and surprisingly still in my heart. Apparently, there is nothing wrong with daisies
and if this is any indication, she and I will keep on growing…blessed tomorrow
because I am thankful for today….
PS my hort heart is still beating. It helped me choose my plant selections that Thursday at Greenscape Nursery. Not forgetting the headache that comes with a new variety of coreopsis. I couldn't help remembering one that was marketed as a perennial but didn't make it through its first winter-anywhere. Oh the outcry despite its continual bloom and surprising fall coloration that was like spun gold. It was planted in the MoBot trial gardens where every year I invested my heart and hope in relationships that were sometimes very temporary. Ah but those new varieties that turned so many heads- miss you MoBot and yes I truly miss all my hort friends- all of you, plants and people!
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